Arun, Tanvi, Me!

 

Arun, Tanvi, Me!

 

This is Karthik writing this. I had no habit of diary and all. I keep the diaries Arun gives me yearly, fresh, and neat. But today, I wanted to experiment with what he said about the diary. God, why don’t I trust him with my whole heart?

So, today, out of frustration, I didn’t know what to do. I have taken you from the shelf. So, Diary, Buckle up. You’re about to witness my first Diary entry and why I am writing this.

A year ago, we both met an acquaintance of our friend, Tanvi. She was Saara. We both became so close to her and started to talk friendly with her. I personally liked her talkative behaviour, and the content she brings up while speaking. And obviously, Diary, I found her Instagram ID instantly. We became so close and talking stuff with each other.

Arun and Tanvi keenly noticed me talk with her, and declared that I was in love with her. When I heard that I became confused. My mind rambled as that thought had never occurred to my mind before. I couldn’t handle these things in my mind. I was also worried as I was already in love with Keerthi earlier. We haven’t even broken up properly. Moreover, I had been proudly saying everyone that, am still in love, it had been 5 years.

I didn’t want people to say I’ve moved on. I felt it as a disrespect. But, also, there was a corner, where I wanted to know what was happening exactly. We both chatted almost every day, but I never dared to ask her. The thought of asking her itself freaked me out. But, slowly, I brought a control, and I started to speak formally and conscious, not to give her any ideas.

But the day came, and I was caught. She asked me, “Why the hell are you acting so strange?”. Dumbstruck, I was. With great effort to speak, I asked her, “Whether you’re in love with someone? I ask this because I read in Hindustan Times that…”. I took too much time to complete my formal sentence.

“Are you gonna propose me?”, she asked, before I completed. The brilliant-her found me, but I had to bring out my acting skills.

“No, No, I didn’t ask for that and all. I asked for chumma. Am really sorry.”, I trembled.

“Don’t worry Karthik, I’ll never fall in love with you. Relationships aren’t my cup of tea.”, she said.

I felt relived, and I was so happy. I screenshotted that conversation and sent that to Tanvi and Arun. Tanvi gave a Thumbs up and said, “Good”.

Arun? He never reads anything that’s big. When there’s a person to call and narrate everything, what’s the need for him to read it? He said, “I don’t understand a word. I’ll call you afterward.”

And Yes, he did four times. I picked up and said him to hang up every single time. I blamed my health condition for this. I had the symptoms of Corona, and that was threatening me, back then. Every time, he called, Amma told me to take rest, or take a bath, or take medicines. See, I wasn’t responsible, right?

I can see you, Diary, frowning at me.

All was my mistake. I didn’t call him back. Neither messaged him. Nor sent a pigeon. I had a constant headache, so I confined my Instagram use, for a very limited time. And I spoke only with Saara. I don’t know why this happened to me. Tanvi tried to initiate a conversation every day. But that used to end very quickly. I replied to what she said only.

One day, I ended up irritating Tanvi too. I said, “I am speaking with the Saara only, these days”. She finished the conversation instantly with a “Thumbs Up” and went away. Dumbass of me didn’t find that they both were angry with me. I convinced myself she became busy, all of a sudden.

But Tanvi knew I would never find this until being said by someone. So, after a week, she told me everything they went through. She said that Arun literally hoped every day that I would speak with him. But he also knew I would never message until someone does. I felt very bad instantly. I realized I screwed up everything, but then too, the stupid ego inside me defended. I shouted at Tanvi that, you people didn’t message me; and neither did I.

I deserved a slap for that. But she decided to sort this by further explanation.

She said, “Have you ever heard of the word possessiveness? That’s this. We are your friends. We don’t tell you not to speak with her. Speak with us too. We too deserve to know what’s happening around you. We care about you. The least you can do is acknowledging us. Think from our shoes.”

I had been a total fool. I informed Saara that I have symptoms. But never thought of saying this to them. As every human reacts after committing a mistake, I apologized to her. But then too, all she wanted was me and Arun to get back together.

I couldn’t even dare to dial him. My hands were shaking from guilt. If he would scold and swear at me, I would confidently speak with him. But, he would speak normal, as if nothing has happened. That would kill me before Corona would. God, I wanted myself to be dead. I wanted to hug a Corona positive person so badly.

So, Diary, you know who screwed up everything. I too know now.

I speak with Saara every day, even though she’s just a friend like Arun and Tanvi. She shouldn’t be blamed, as she never knew all this comedy. Tanvi, never took any offense while I was treating her so badly. Arun became tired of holding the rope between us. But, he didn’t withdraw it yet. He just waits for the grip from the other side.

They both are ready to take me back, even though I had screwed their lives.

I spoke all these with Appa, and he told me to call him and apologize. Am gonna call him. I rehearsed everything with you, Diary. I feel positive. Yeah, Arun had been right. He always says, “Speaking out does wonder”. You heard all nonsense I said, and gave the strength to apologize to him. Never knew talking out would be so relieving.

Will come to you back, with a new issue, My Dear Diary.