Un-Confessions: Toxicity

 Un-Confessions: Toxicity

 

Blood oozed out of her head. I sat there, looking at her decapitated body. The hands I held, were now covered with blood. Her legs gave up, and became still, after some staggering. I realized what I had done. She’s gone, once and forever.

What did I do, to kill her? What did she do, that made me think she deserves to die? She fell in love, and I didn’t.

Confusing right? Yeah! She fell in love with me, and I never did.

We both had known each other since college. She was from the Physics department, straight opposite to the English department I was from. We met first at the Writer’s Café, and little did I know, that wasn’t going well.

“You’ve been in a relationship before?”, I asked. She nodded, so I went for further details.

“So, let me get this straight, you’ve been in a relationship in your school? What made you think that I would even consider it?”, I laughed, I remember. She sat there, embarrassed.

“You’ve been in a relationship, Alex?”, she questioned me.

“I’m not that relationship type of person. I like to casually date girls. More of the flirtationship situationship kinda thingy. You get me?”, I remember the reaction she gave when I said this. She was completely clueless. But guess what happened next, we got into a commitment-less relationship.

It was her mistake, she told me she was ready for this. She was ready to get into this custom relationship, with me.

A month into this relationship, we got the chance of spending some ‘us’ time, at our friend’s house. I leaned myself over her and went closer. I sensed some confusion, so I paused.

“What?”, I was irritated.

“No, I didn’t see that coming. You sure this is fine?”, she asked.

“I didn’t know you were not ready”, I moved back.

“No No, am ready. Let’s do it”, she instantly replied. Reverse psychology, boys. It works.

We made out at several instances after that, and I’ll have to agree, she’s really good at it. I had fun with her, and it was indeed a good time. Until she had to screw things up. Yep, what do you expect?

 “Alex, it would be good if we get together as a couple, right?”, she asked. I was lying on the terrace of her house gazing at the starry night sky. She was sitting beside me. We made out under those stars sometime before and I wanted to go home.

“Already we’re. What else do you want?”, I asked. I was sleepy and concerned about my long bike ride back home.

“No, a couple in the sense, falling in love and probably, leading it to marriage”, she told, slowly looking at me.

“Not this again. You know I can’t commit. That’s not really me”, I told. How many times should I tell her so that she’d understand?

“Why, why can’t you?”, she asked, this time with more conviction.

“Because I don’t feel anything for you! It doesn’t work like that!”, I shouted. Her face showed she didn’t expect me to shout. She came near me and started to cuddle me to calm me down. I slapped her. She deserved that, didn’t she?

I didn’t talk with her for days after that. She called me, texted me, and tried every single way to reach me. I wanted her to realize how much value my decision about relationships holds. I let her suffer for weeks before we met again. I thought she would’ve realized her mistake.

“Am sorry, Alex. I’ll never irritate you again,” she told. I looked into her eyes, before kissing her. We were at my home. To be frank, I missed making out with her. It felt good. She seemed to enjoy it too. I slid my hands into her torso and started kissing her intensely. Her whole body shivered from the goosebumps she got, and stopped my hand at her navel. She held it firm so that I couldn’t go any further.

“No!”, she whispered. She continued kissing me. This time I put my hand on her back and slid down. She pushed me away.

“I said no, you heard that?”, she adjusted her dress. Her face had this disgust, and her eyes started to tear up. I genuinely didn’t know what was in her mind.

“Why are you even overreacting?”, I asked her, while trying to pull her back to me. She pushed my hands away. She was actually strong enough to do that, my hands hurt. I slapped her out of fury and pulled her again. She placed her hands on my face and pushed me away.

“So is this all the feelings you have for me? I thought you told me you were in love with me”, I shouted at her, while reviving.

“No Alex, I like you so much. But this can’t happen. I can’t do it with a person who is not interested in me”, she spoke back. Every single word was infuriating.

“Shut the fuck up, whore. I know you would’ve done it out with plenty out there”, I screamed. I mean, that’s really mean. How can she say am not interested in her? I love her body. I loved every intimate moment we had.

“Alex, you’re crossing it. Shut up!” she said this before she started sobbing. It was quite intense, so she was breaking down. I walked straight to her and held her firm to myself. She screamed into my ears so loud, that I had to leave her from my grip. That’s it, I lost it there.

I pushed her down and stamped her chest. She held my leg after two to three stomps. She bled from her mouth and groaned in pain. I dragged her to the main entrance and put her on the main door frame. I banged the door, with her neck between the frame and the door. I banged it until I decapitated her head.

I chopped her into smaller parts and threw them into the Metro construction area. While walking back home, I realized she never really got the idea of a casual relationship I implied from the very first. Now, she herself made me kill her.

 

That’s all Alex? There’s no issue with you? Ever heard about consent?

Have you ever thought about her emotions?

Do you know she’s more than just her skin and her curves?

 

Based on the stories of people I’ve met.